Good Enough

from my message on June 29, 2014, from Romans 7:15-25a

Are you good enough?  I am here to tell you that by the grace of Jesus Christ, you are good enough.  You could leave right now and have gotten the whole message.

This is a message for perfectionists and those people who deal with perfectionists, so I guess that's everybody here.  I don't always preach this way, so be prepared for some antics.

First, we start with a You Might be a Perfectionist quiz, modeled after Jeff Foxworth's You Might Be a Redneck.  Jeff said, If you ever mowed the lawn and found a car there, you might be a redneck.

If all of you're emails, tweets, and Facebook posts are free of spelling errors....then you might be a perfectionist

If you noticed  the typo in the previous item.....

If you ignore the 12 great reviews to fret about the 1 lousy one.....

If you have the urge to be everything to everybody.......

If you have ever felt that you were unworthy of love or belonging.....

If you didn't try something new because you might fail......

If you were eager to point out others' faults to minimize yours.......

If you were afraid to share your vulnerability......

If you ever felt you weren't skinny enough, rich enough, smart enough, nice enough, strong enough, popular enough, creative enough.....Then you might be a perfectionist

Do we have any perfectionists here?  Can you identify with Paul in this passage from Romans?  I don't understand my own actions.  What I want to do, I don't do. The thing I don't want to do, I do.  Wretched man that I am!

I am a perfectionist.  I think if I could just control my actions, get everything just right, be good enough, then i would be acceptable to God and others.  I work really hard to keep up the facade that I am perfect.

It's not what God intends for us, this living in secret shame.  We learn these roles early on.  I am the eldest son.  I have always been super-responsible.  Here's the story that characterizes my perfectionism.  It is December of my junior year in high school.  I am showing my dad my first semester report card.  I say, "Look, Dad, I made a 98 in chemistry."  To which my dad replied, "Don't they give 100's anymore?"  I was crushed.  "But it was the highest grade in the class.  It is an A+."

It didn't matter.  No matter what I do, how hard I work, it never feels good enough.

Our director of music and worship, Diana, loaned me a book on this subject.  It is by Brune' Brown, and it is called the Gifts of Imperfection.  She named 3 gifts:  Courage, Compassion, and Connection.  Courage comes from the Latin cour for heart.  One is to speak from one's heart. Compassion means to set appropriate boundaries, to know what is your stuff and what is others' stuff.  You can take care of your stuff so that you can be available to stand alongside others with their stuff.  Connection means you can't do it alone.  This work is best done in community.

While I am talking about this, you may be filling out that scratch piece of paper with something you want to let go of.  You may have something you have been holding onto so tightly in your so-called perfectionism that you can't open your hand to the love Christ holds for you.

So, this past week I decided to open myself, to practice the gifts of imperfection.  I was in a meeting.  The talk turned to focus on me.  The people were not intending to strike at me, yet their comments were wounding me.  I said, "Hold on a sec. Let me tell you how what you are saying feels to me.  My heart is racing.  My breath is shallow. My mind is whirring.  I feel like a little boy, ashamed of  what I have done."

The dynamic of the conversation changed instantly.  I had shown courage, compassion, and connection.  It was liberating.  Brune' Brown says, "Shame loves perfectionists, because it is so easy to keep us quiet."

In her book, she shares other ways to move beyond perfectionism.  Play, music, and dance are some of those ways.  They open the imagination.  We are going to practice that now.

Learn this song with me:

That's the way it is by golly, that's the way it is by golly, that's the way it is by golly, that's the way it is.

So when you make a 98, and your dad says, "Don't they give 100's anymore," you sing, That's the way it is by golly.....

Write down on that scratch piece of paper what you want to let go of, what you have been holding onto so tightly that you can't be open to the love that Christ holds for you.  Write down where you don't feel good enough, while we sing, That's the way it is by golly....

Now I have some kazoos for some of you.  Add your sounds to the song while we write down where we don't feel good enough....That's the way it is by golly,....

Now I will have the ushers to come forward with the trash cans, notice that they are recycle bins, so you can throw those places where you don't feel good enough away while we sing...That's the way it is by golly...

I like how Paul ends this passage. He says, But thanks be to God through our Lord Jesus Christ.  I looked up this passage in the Greek. I was expecting the word for thanks to be eucharist, but it wasn't.  The word was charis, the word for grace.  Grace is God's unmerited love for us, a free gift, nothing we can do to earn it.  That's the way it is by golly.  By grace, you are good enough.