How the Mighty Have Fallen

6/28/09 slightly editted version of my sermon from II Sam. 1:1, 17-27
If you are a pastor, one thing you really want to do well is doing funerals. People don't want sloppy theology or pious platitudes when it comes to death. They need healing. In our death-denying and death-defying culture, we as the faith community need to practice good grief.
David, for all his faults, does a masterful job of expressing grief in the passage today. He leads a lament for the whole community of Israel who grieve the deaths of Saul and Jonathan. Three times in this song he has the refrain, "How the mighty have fallen."
I believe that David gives us a model for dealing with loss. Let's follow his lead as we go through grief today.
The first thing David does is remember.....and remember with celebration. No ill is spoken of the dead here. The word "eulogy" literally means "good word" or "beautiful word."
Glory might also be traslated as gazelle. Saul and Jonathan are considered to be the glory or gazelle of Israel. They are also considered to be as swift as eagles and powerful as lions. No matter what else happened in this life, David says they remain inseparable in death as father and son.
Today, who do you remember? Who is on your heart? What good word do you have for them as you lift them up this day?
Often when I am preparing for a funeral, I sit down with family and friends of the loved one who has died. I ask them to fill in the blank, "I remember...." What healing comes when we remember and give thanks for lives.
The second thing David does is pour out his feelings. He honestly acknowledges his loss. a book I recently read on grief said, "You have to feel it to heal it." Here David expresses sadness, anger, love, and much more.
One thng I have learned about grieving is that you can hold more than one feeling at the same time. In fact, you can hold seemingly contradictory feelings at the same time. You can laugh and cry, be angry and glad, all at the same time.
David's relationships with Saul and Jonathan were certainly complicated and so would carry complex feelings. Maybe you can relate to this. David was to Saul warrior for him, enemy against him, musician for him, one who flees from him, friend and threat. David was to Jonathan friend and rival for the throne.
Not all of these feelings come out in this passage. Not all feelings come out at the funeral. But at the appropriate time and place they can come out so that God can touch them with healing.
I remember doing a grief workshop one time. Everyone had shared except this one man. He had been silent. I was bringing the small group session to an end. At last he spoke, "I am glad the old bat died." Such honest feelings!
Last week was Father's Day. You saw me wearing my dad's gimme cap with Perfecto Construction Co. on it. Last week, I didn't talk much about my dad or dads in general. Today, I acknowledge how much I miss my dad. What I miss most is just talking on the phone. I would say, "the church is going well, our sons are doing fine, they got good jobs, Cathy and I are happy." You know nothing big, but the stuff of life.
And then he and I would remember. Do remember that time we were working outside of Yuma, AZ, in the summer of '76? How we went to eat supper at that truck stop in Wellton and the waitress came to the table carrying water glasses with her fingers stuck down inside the glasses? This is the stuff of grief to remember and to feel.
The third thing David does is to use words well. Words matter. Words can wound or words can heal. I was reading a book that we are going to be giving to those of you in grief from our caring and calling group. It had a list of phrases that we all have used, even I, that may not really help. You know what I am saying: I know just how you feel, he's in a better place, only the good die young, time heals all wounds, at least she didn't suffer, you can handle it, it's a blessing, you'll be fine...."
Sometimes, the best thing when we don't have the words is simply to listen to people. A rabbi said, "everyone cries in the same language."
Sometimes, when we don't have the words there are words waiting for us. Can you say this with me..."the Lord is my shepherd...."
What comfort we find in the old familiar words! That's why the church has a funeral. We have a liturgy, we have the words that take people through the grief. We need the order, we need the ritual, we need the healing.
Finally, David does this in community. We don't grieve alone. We experience corporate loss. Bombarded, and I use that word intentionally, we are "bombarded" by grief every day....how many killed by a roadside bomb in Iraq or Afghanistan.....workers forced to dig and die for damonds in Africa....poverty, hunger, disease....we have ingested so much grief before we even finish breakfast.
We need to turn and turn and turn to God for healing and hope. In this church, Pastor Jim is starting a grief group, beginning tomorrow, at 6:30 p.m. Did you see that in the bulletin? Our caring and calling group is going to be more intentional about following up on grief. Usually the phone calls and cards stop after 8 days. We have a plan to follow up for a year.
Of all people, we Christians could do this well. Nearly every funeral that I have ever performed I have started with these words, "Jesus said, 'I am the resurrection and the life..." We can deal with death because He has. We can live well because he does.